I want to travel. I want to travel so badly. It seems like everyone and their mom went to Hawaii the past month and it made me so jealous. I don't really want to go to Hawaii, although I should go visit my sister. She lives there, on an old school bus.

No, I don't want to go Hawaii. I want to go to Paris. I know it's so corny and so touristy. I don't want to see the Eiffel Tower or even L'Arc de triumph. I want to go to the Louvre for four days. I want to walk down narrow streets. I want to see architecture. I want to eat croissants and drink coffee, wine and aperitifs. I want to use the 5 years of French that I paid good money for in college (that I'm still paying for). I just want to wander around an unknown city and get lost and feel small.

That's what I want.

I actually have enough money saved up for an adventure like this. But I'm scared. One thing you learn when you grow up without money is how to save it. The other thing you learn is that even a small emergency can leave you with nothing, so hold onto that money with a death grip.

I'm just going to keep holding on and stashing away and dreaming.

In other news I've been working on a new illustration and a commission. The commission piece is for a shop in New York located near Chautauqua Lake. I'm really happy with how this turned out and so is the shop owner.

Happy Blue Heron

New things are happening.

Framed Illustrations

I hung my show up at Tilde in Sellwood yesterday. It's on SE 13th, if you're in the area and would like to stop in and see it! If you can't stop in to see it, you can see the pieces here (and even purchase them!)

Framed illustrations and etchings.

It was a last minute show, and I'm so glad I had enough work to fill the space. I almost wrote that maybe it was too much, but you can never have too much work. Right?

Original paintings.

I hope the show does well. I think it looks great.

I also have two new pieces listed in my shop!

Blossom

A new mixed media piece and a new cat etching. I love working on these little collages. It gives me a place to work through ideas and think of new ones. I can sit down and tear and glue and not think too much about what's going on. I like it. Expect to see more.

Dancing Mountain Cat Etching

 The cat etching is a new item too. I plan on making more animals too. So many ideas, so little time.

The past couple of weeks I've been e-mailing shops around town that might be interested in carrying my postcards and greeting cards. Wow. There is some serious card competition in Portland. Many shops say they love my cards, but just have too many card lines at the moment.

On a very happy note I was able to get a few cards and postcards into the Powell's on Hawthorne! I was so excited to drop them off on Sunday! I bought two new books to celebrate.

I know I should branch out past just selling in Portland. I'm not totally sure how to do this. I've been thinking about just going on Yelp and searching for card shops and cute boutiques.

I've got a few more stores in Portland I want to contact, then I'm going to start on other states.

My best friend of 18 years right before running the half marathon.

Like most women, I've always been self conscious about my weight and my body. It started at a young age for me. Maybe about 11 or 12. I developed quicker than most of the other girls in my class and it made me feel so awkward.

Around 13 I started to feel even more self aware and I started to feel like I was over weight. I wasn't by any means. I dieted. I starved myself. I wished I was thinner.

It didn't get any better as I got older. It got much worse. Throw in a cross country move to California and my body image anxiety skyrocketed. New school, new friends, CALIFORNIA (!!!). That was a bad combination for a 14 year old girl. I hated my body and I thought I was one ugly lady...

Anyway, I didn't start to get better for me until I moved to the Portland area when I was 17, and even then I still struggled with my body image. Even though I was a totally normal body weight. Thank you unrealistic media ideals and Photoshop.

Fast forward to yesterday. I was running a 6 mile run in shorts. My thighs almost started a small fire with the friction they were causing. It hurts and it's uncomfortable. I thought to myself, "Well, I should probably invest in some Body Glide."

Then I thought about that for a minute. I thought about how my 20 year old self would have criticized herself for being too fat. She would have told herself that she had to cut out calories and fat grams and eat only rice and steamed broccoli for weeks.

Wow. To think about that. To think about how far I've come in my thought process, in the way I see myself and my body. For the first time, in I don't know how long, I like my body. I love my body. I have worked so hard to get where I am today physically. I have put in countless hours and miles running, and working out, and I really love the way I am. Right now. It's such an amazing feeling. To like my thighs. To just like me. So what if my thighs rub together? Most peoples do! It's what thighs are for. Well, not really, I just liked where that was going for a minute.

Anyway, I know I will struggle with the way I look in the future. I feel like it's almost inevitable. But, right now, this minute, I truly love me, thighs and all.

In my last post I wrote about how I had this sketchbook now, and that maybe I share too much of myself through social media. How I was going to just use my sketchbook for really personal things. Well, I lied. Kinda. I feel like there are certain things that do need to be shared. Like this. Because it's something that I just feel so great about and I want to tell everyone about it.

Thanks for reading about it. I feel pretty proud of myself.

Working in my studio this morning.

I bought a sketch book at the beginning of the week. It's the first sketch book I've owned in years and I have to say, it feels really good to have one again. I often feel compelled to share everything on social media. Having a sketch book let's me say what I want to say, without worrying if I've crossed a line. I worry too much about things like that, I know.

I also feel like maybe I share too much about myself, and I don't know if that's always a good thing.

I can also sketch things out, get ideas out, work through problems and write whatever I feel like writing. It's freeing. Very freeing.

I think I stopped having a sketchbook because I never used it, but I've found myself craving a place to jot things down the past few weeks. So, I thought I should really invest in another.

Don't Hold Back

So that's what I've been up to today. I've also been working on a new etching plate. I'm hoping to get it ready to print tomorrow. I finished my wolf print last week, and I'm pretty happy with it.

I've also completed a new fox illustration. Those darn little foxes. They make me so happy to draw. The colors and the shapes in this one are inspired by Spring and warm weather. I'm so ready for some more sunshine and looking forward to wearing shorts and tank tops.

Red Fox

Happy times.

Sometimes some fresh air and some good music playing in your ear phones are just the medicine that you might need.

I really didn't want to go for my run today, but I made myself go anyway, and I'm so glad I did. It picked me up and helped me get out of a little funk today.

I'm a sucker for over produced, pop music for running. I'm not afraid to admit it. However, I am afraid of playing my iPod on shuffle at parties...

Here's the playlist I've been listening to lately:

Girl on Fire - Alicia Keys
Wake Up - Arcade Fire
Halo - Beyonce
Song 2 - Blur
Spanish Bombs - The Clash
Time After Time - Cyndi Lauper
Let's Dance - Lady Gaga
How it Ends - Devotchka
Home - Edward Sharpe
Dog Day are Over - Florence and the Machine
Need You Tonight - INXS
Empire State of Mind - Jay-Z featuring Alicia Keys
Stronger - Kanye West
Stronger - Kelly Clarkson
Bizarre Love Triangle - New Order
Hit it Hard - Peaches
One Step - Yacht
Down Boy - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Sheena is a Punk Rocker - The Ramones
We the Common - Thao and the Get Down Stay Down

I have to say, that Alicia Keys song, "Girl on Fire" really gets me. Especially when I'm on my last mile.

The warmest day of the year, so far, was today! 63 degrees and wonderful!

I went for a 6 mile run, worked on some new pieces and played with Chloe in the back yard. It was fantastic.

Our garden is starting to really take off too. The Euphorbia is getting ready to bloom and the Forsythia has already started. I plated some kale and some lettuce, and I planted some lupine seeds and some poppy seeds on Sunday. I'm afraid I might be too late/too early with the flowers, but I thought I'd give it a shot. Fingers are crossed.

I was lucky enough to get quite a few art related things started this morning. I don't really know where the fox is going but I like it so far. I love making all of those tiny marks, and there is something about this little fox that I can't let go of.

The butterfly and moth are new too. I've had these little collages hanging out in my studio for weeks not knowing what to do with them. I've always felt a connection with things that can fly, butterflies and moths included. The fact that they are free to flutter about, but at the same time have to be so careful with the outside world.

Sweets. Mixed Media Collage and Illustration.

 I'm currently reading Flight behavior by Barbara Kingsolver which is story about butterflies and climate change.

Also, have you ever seen a moth's face up close. They're scary, cute and amazing. You should Google it right now. Oh wait, I did it for you.

The butterfly piece is done and already listed in my Etsy shop! Look at me being productive.